Please Punch Me As Hard As You Can
by DragonSilhouette
Summary: "Kuroko considered himself to be an incredibly unlucky boy. Born with weak lungs, cursed with no presence, orphaned at the young age of five, and destined to have what seemed to be a superstitious soulmate who believed in the paranormal, his life so far had certainly not been a walk in the park." Soulmate AU where the first thing your soulmate says to you is written on your wrist.


**Disclaimer:** Kuroko no Basuke is not mine.

 **Summary:** "Kuroko considered himself to be an incredibly unlucky boy. Born with weak lungs, cursed with no presence, orphaned at the young age of five, and destined to have what seemed to be a superstitious soulmate who believed in the paranormal, his life so far had certainly not been a walk in the park." Soulmate AU where the first thing your soulmate says to you is written on your wrist.

 **Author's Note:** I seem to be on a soulmate roll.

* * *

 **PLEASE PUNCH ME AS HARD AS YOU CAN**

* * *

Kuroko considered himself to be an incredibly unlucky boy. Born with weak lungs, cursed with no presence, orphaned at the young age of five, and destined to have what seemed to be a superstitious soulmate who believed in the paranormal, his life so far had certainly not been a walk in the park.

Kuroko wiped his face with a towel as he sat on the gym floor, trying to catch his breath. Around him the rest of the third string practiced their shots. Everyone avoided his corner of the gym though—they all thought a ghost was haunting the area. That was fine with Kuroko; that just meant he had more space to practice his shots, however futile the endeavor was. He did wish he could participate in the informal mini-games the others organized though.

He shook the thought off. He would play for real soon enough. Practice was almost over, which meant he could go to the fourth gym and play with Aomine.

He had a feeling he would meet his soulmate soon though. It was only recently that his presence had been mistaken as a ghost. He absently fixed his wristband. Underneath the fabric was the first sentence his soulmate would say to him. People only usually keep theirs covered up if they've either found their soulmates, or it was something really embarrassing (which was more common than one might think).

Practice was nearing to a close, so Kuroko decided to stand up and head for the fourth gym for his daily practice session with Aomine. However, he didn't see the prodigious basketball player when passed by the gym where the first stringers practiced. Hmm, maybe Aomine had gone on ahead. But he didn't see one hint of dark blue hair upon arriving at his destination. Shrugging, he started to work on his shooting. After about fifteen minutes, the first hints of impatience crept up on him and he decided to visit the first gym again.

The first gym was almost empty now, with only a few stragglers staying behind for cleaning duty. He noticed a particularly loud voice coming from the bleachers and pinpointed it to a ridiculously good-looking boy with blond hair and blue eyes. That was Kise Ryouta, he thought. Kise was new to the basketball club, having loudly announced his intent to join only a few days ago. Aomine had been with him (somewhat unwillingly, Kuroko noted), and had desperately recommended Kise to Nijimura.

Seeing as Kise wasn't doing anything of importance, he approached Kise and asked, "Excuse me, Kise-kun, but have you seen Aomine-kun?"

Kise didn't even look at him and continued to talk to the blushing girl. Kuroko shrugged to himself and went to ask another player.

* * *

 **Three days ago…**

Kise considered himself to be an incredibly lucky boy. Born with extremely good looks, a healthy body, a loving family, and gifted with a talent that allowed him to exceed in all kinds of sports, life had been treating him very kindly indeed. In addition to that, unlike most others, he actually had a clue on how to look for his soulmate. Tattooed on his wrist was a question asking if he knew where an "Aomine-kun" was. Which meant his soulmate knew someone named Aomine. All Kise had to do was look for people named Aomine and surely, surely one of them would be able to lead him to his soulmate. So when he was ten, Kise found a phonebook and called every single Aomine in Japan to and tried to befriend them all.

Needless to say, it failed miserably. Not to mention the shock his father had when he saw the phone bill.

Three years on, and he still hasn't given up.

Kise walked through the halls of Teikou, smiling flirtatiously at anyone who looked at him—which was, let's face it, everyone. He took the stairs to his first class of the day, passing a pair of gossiping students, paying them no mind until—

"Hey did you hear?"

"What?"

"The basketball club, I heard a bunch of first years replaced the entire first string."

"That's impossible!"

"No, it's true! One of the first years is in my class, Aomine Daiki."

—and he spun around and latched onto the girl who mentioned The Name. "Ahh, Matsuno-san!"

The girls' eyes widened. Matsuno gulped and nodded eagerly, a blush quickly enveloping her cheeks. "Yes? Do you need something, Kise-kun?"

"You know Aomine… Daiki, was it?" Matsuno bobbed her head.

"Mmhmm, he sits behind me in class.

"Awesome!" Kise said cheerfully. "Can you introduce me to him?"

.

.

.

Aomine eyed the bubbly model warily. He had heard about Kise Ryouta, and what he heard didn't exactly endear the blond to him. Good at basketball, yeah, but also loud, popular, excessively expressive, tended to go overboard with _everything_ … The boy was the exact opposite of his best friend. "The hell do you want?"

Kise beamed. "You're Aomine-kun, right?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Good! From now on I will be sticking to you 24/7!"

Aomine's brain short-circuited. He felt like he had just been condemned to an eternity in hell. With no basketball. And porn.

"So I heard you're in the basketball club? That's good, because I've been looking for a good club to join, all the other sports clubs are soooo boring, don't you think, Aominecchi? I mean, I guess volleyball was okay, they had a couple of good players there, but no one could give me a challenge, and they all refused to play against me after I beat them. And soccer was no better, so no matter what you do, Aominecchi, do _not_ join the soccer club. Everyone was so slow and clumsy, I can't believe they're actually a national team. Oh, I tried out the martial arts club too, but they're not so tough, not even the sensei, and isn't the sensei supposed to be, like, really really good? Like seriously, it was child's play, copying his moves. Hey Aominecchi, do you think I'll meet my soulmate soon? Aominecchi…"

Aomine mentally shot himself and ran away.

* * *

 **Present day…**

"And he wouldn't stop talking!" Aomine shrieked, flinging another basketball at the net as a form of catharsis. "I barely escaped with my sanity!"

"Poor Aomine-kun," Kuroko droned, tossing another ball at his friend a bit harder than necessary. He had been listening patiently to Aomine's woes for the past half an hour and his patience was running out. Come to think of it, his patience had been wearing thin over the last few days, and a small part of him wondered at the change. It felt like something momentous was about to happen, something he had been unknowingly waiting a long time for.

"He followed me to my house too! I mean, who does that? Why does he do that? And then I thought he was following me around so he could get into the basketball club, right? So I recommended him to Nijimura—don't look at me like that, he has _some_ skill, so it's not like he doesn't deserve it (don't tell him I said that)—but even after that he still kept following me—"

"Aominecchi?"

Aomine froze.

"Aominecchi? Is that you?" A blond head poked hesitantly through the doorway to the fourth gym. "Aominecchi! There you are! What are you doing here? Don't you know this gym is haunted?"

"Stay the hell away from me!" Aomine roared, lobbing a ball at Kise in desperation. Kise absently caught it while looking around nervously.

"Hey, wanna go somewhere else? I've heard lots of bad things about this gym being haunted by a ghost… best not to antagonize the spirits of the dead, neh?"

"There is no ghost here," Kuroko spoke from behind Kise. The blond whirled around and blanched at the sudden appearance of a pale, ghostly boy behind him.

"Ahh… AHHHH PLEASE DON'T KILL ME GHOST-SAN!" Kise shrieked, jumping behind Aomine and using him as a shield.

Kuroko eyes widened in shock.

Aomine tried to shrug the human octopus off his back. "Oi, let go of me. And he's not a ghost, he's Tetsu."

"Nooooo don't sacrifice me to the ghost…"

"Kise-kun." Kuroko approached the terrified blond carefully.

"DON'T COME NEAR ME."

"Kise-kun, I am not a ghost." Kuroko pulled the model from behind Aomine and showed him his wrist.

 **Ahh… AHHHH PLEASE DON'T KILL ME GHOST-SAN!**

Kise's eyes bugged out. "What? But…" He let go of Aomine to show Kuroko his wrist.

 **Excuse me, Kise-kun, but have you seen Aomine-kun?**

Kuroko's eyes widened in understanding. "I see. I did speak to you three days ago, but you didn't notice me. You were too busy talking to Matsuda-san."

Kise tried to remember three days ago. Yes, he recalled flirting with Matsuda-chan, who had just had a messy breakup with her boyfriend, and he vaguely remembered someone tapping his shoulder, asking him a question…

 _"Excuse me, Kise-kun, but have you seen Aomine-kun?"_

Kise blanked out. Then—

"OH MY GOSH YOU WERE RIGHT THERE ALL ALONG I'M SO STUPID I CAN'T BELIEVE I MISSED THE FIRST WORDS YOU SAID TO ME—"

"Kise-kun—"

"I AM SUCH A TERRIBLE SOULMATE HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN KUROKOCCHI I AM SO SO SO SO SORRY I SWEAR I WILL MAKE IT UP TO YOU EVEN IF IT KILLS ME—"

"It's really not—"

"I'M THE WORST PERSON EVER I DESERVE TO BE PUNISHED KUROKOCCHI PLEASE PUNCH ME AS HARD AS YOU CAN—" Kuroko punched Kise in the face. Kise stopped and looked at Kuroko in shock, hand going up to touch the rapidly forming bruise.

"It really doesn't matter," Kuroko said plainly.

"You didn't have to punch me in the face, Kurokocchi…"

"I thought it would get the point across."

"But it's how I make money! How am I supposed to shower you with gifts and love and if I don't have a steady job? Not to mention our wedding and our honeymoon. Oh! And our kids! How will we be able to raise them? And the tuition for school, and family vacations, and university—GAAH! KUROKOCCHI! NOT THERE AGAIN!"

Kuroko, his hand now slightly sore from punching Kise in the face twice, sighed. Aomine collected himself from the shock of the sudden development and told Kuroko, in a very sincere tone of voice, "I am so sorry you are stuck with that as a soulmate."

Kise continued to wail about his ruined face and their future 2.5 kids. Kuroko, despite himself, smiled slightly. "I suppose I will have to get used to it."


End file.
